I’ve been there…

At this time I’m happily married, living in a beautiful; peaceful place, and feeling grateful for where I am in my life. I’m following my purpose of helping other women in a way that feels totally aligned with who I really am.

But it wasn’t always this way.

It was a long journey to healing past trauma, discovering my worth and getting into alignment in an authentic way.

But prior to that, my insecurities from my past led to poor choices, as I went from one marriage to the next, including two marriages to narcissists.

The manipulation and covert abuse was so insidious that in the end, I knew there must be a name for it.

The most painfully bizarre part was the gaslighting, “gotcha games” and trauma bond of relationships with narcissists.

The marriage to the second one was over after being discarded for someone else.

And I felt like I’d been shoved into a deep, dark pit; feeling exhausted on every level, and left to crawl out on my own.

In fact, it was affecting me physically as I felt sick for weeks as the truth bombs fell, and the chronic lying became obvious.

Women messaged me on social media to say: They had been a “survivor” of a relationship with him, that they had been “chased after” by him, and one even told me that she had been sexually assaulted by him.

Old friends had distanced themselves from me because they could see who the narcissist was from the beginning and didn’t want to be around him.

After the breakup there were other friends who didn’t believe what I went through because they were blinded by his charm.

The distancing and lack of belief from friends added to the already traumatic experience of being gaslighted over and over again. And ultimately, it was lonely.

The entire experience shoved my self esteem into the ground.

How does this happen?

Being sucked into a relationship with a narcissist has it’s roots early in our own life.

When we’ve had childhood trauma and experiences that push down our self-esteem, it leaves us vulnerable to someone telling us how amazing we are.

As you can see in the Trauma Wheel above, our unhealed wounds manifest into various issues that can include obesity, alcoholism, drug addiction and of course toxic relationships with narcissists.

My father was an alcoholic with his own past PTSD and family trauma, and there was abuse in my parent’s marriage. My father left when I was 16; never to be seen again.

This certainly left a hole in my heart, and a weak self-esteem as I went from marriage to marriage trying to find security in life. Unfortunately, the resulting choices in a partner wasn’t great.

The narcissist has their own trauma, which is perhaps so severe that they can’t face it. Instead, they keep going through their toxic cycles of: Idealize, devalue and discard without ever admitting they need help.

What’s the solution? Stopping the cycle by healing ourselves.

My background is life coaching, intuitive guided meditation and mind/body wellness tools. (I’m certified as a Mind/Body Wellness Practitioner.)

I also have a corporate finance background, so I’m an eclectic mix of right-brain holistic healing, and left-brain analytics and money.

I’ve helped other women get their life on track, and have also written an award-winning book on healing from the inside out.

So with my own tools and the support of other healers, I worked through it and stepped back into my power to get my life on track. I’ve healed layers of fears, beliefs and trauma from throughout my life.

And now I’m helping other women do the same, because I know what it takes.

If you’ve been through this, know that you’re not alone and that you can discover your worth, live authentically and ultimately have a loving relationship with the right tools and support.

You’re invited to join the Facebook group, and to Work With Me. Let’s get you moving in the right direction.

PS:  Kathleen lives in the beautiful White Mountains of Arizona with her fabulous other half, and her animal friends that include three dogs, two cats and her three “kids” (goat friends, of course)