After a marriage or relationship with a narcissist, you might find yourself thinking: “Never again”. (I know I did.)
I felt so completely burned by the lies, betrayal and trauma. The thought of trusting anyone seemed like a long ways off, if at all. I said to myself: “I won’t date for a couple of years, and I’ll never marry again”.
This makes complete sense after what we’ve been through. After all, the experience is so insane, insidious and unreal. It’s so bad, that we can’t bear the thought of taking that risk again.
Although the pain runs deep, it’s possible that someone could “rebound” by crying on someone’s shoulder and “fall in love” again. But for many of us, It’s sort of like a child getting too close to the stove and getting burned.
It’s a lesson that leaves scars that are so deep, we just don’t want to go near anyone that could put us in the same situation all over again. So our level of trust is at rock bottom.
We not only don’t trust any potential partners, but we also don’t trust ourselves. On some level, we believe that our own judgement was way off.
But the truth is, we made the best decision we could based on the information we had at the time. And that information was coming from a pathological liar.
And being the trusting and caring person that we were, we swallowed their stories “hook, line and sinker”. But it’s not good to be hard on ourselves because it only erodes our self-worth even more; which makes us more vulnerable.
Instead, there’s a process to come out of your shell and attract healthy, loving relationships. When You do this, it results in:
- Healing the Past
- Reclaiming Your Power
- Creating Healthy Boundaries
- Getting Clear on Who You Are and Your True Values
- Having a Vision for What You Really Want in Your Life and Relationships
And when all of this comes together, it’s a beautiful thing, because everything falls into place. We love ourselves more, we feel confident, we can be happy with ourselves OR with someone else.
And above all, we attract relationships that are REAL and not fake, or unaligned with our true selves. But we must have all of these pieces in place, or we can go off track again.
For example, if we don’t heal the past (all the way back to our childhood); it leaves an invisible open wound that another narcissist can soothe. Then we believe we’ve found true love, when we really haven’t.
Without having all of the right pieces in place, we can fall back into the toxic relationship cycle. (Then we find ourselves “kicking” ourselves again, and wondering how it happened.)
So before you take the plunge into another relationship, do the work on YOU. Take the time and the right steps so that you don’t find yourself wasting more time and heartache.
Putting the time and energy into it will create lasting happiness; whether you’re in a relationship or not. Because the greatest love you have is with yourself.
PS: Ready to love yourself, your life and relationships? Schedule a FREE call with me and we’ll create a plan based on your personal challenges and vision for what YOU want.