Narcissists are annoying, irritating and unbelievably ridiculous. They push our buttons in every way possible, and their insidious behavior makes us want to shout out to the world: “Can you believe this idiot?” Or if they’ve thoroughly pounded OUR self-worth into the ground, then WE feel like the idiot.
They abuse us mentally and emotionally (with no physical evidence as proof), which explains why they’re not in prison. Sometimes they hide behind careers that give them authority or make them appear reputable. Unfortunately, this causes them to continue their rampage of emotional destruction indefinitely.
And then there’s the part of us that seems a bit crazy too, because we once saw the amazing side of them; the one that seemed to love us unconditionally. (That person that made us feel good; inside and out.)
And on some level, we still love them and are waiting for that person who disappeared to finally come back to us. So as much as we seem to hate them, we can still easily see a glimmer of hope when they throw a little love-bombing our way.
And the trauma bond continues. We can’t seem to stop talking or thinking about THEM. It’s a strange obsession that seems wrong, but we just can’t help ourselves. It’s the chocolate cake that we know is bad for us, but we keep going back for more as it satisfies an emptiness within ourselves.
As someone who’s been out of a relationship with a narcissist for awhile, I see it so clearly: People who keep talking about the narcissist and how terrible they are. They talk about their ridiculous behavior and how abusive the narcissist is, but they’re missing the point.
They’ve got to turn the table on the narcissist. They need to get unstuck from the “cat and mouse” game that’s actually feeding the narcissist’s ego, because they’re playing right into the narcissist’s hand.
The truth is: The narcissist craves attention, and ANY attention will do. After all, it keeps their mind off of their own inner struggle, and takes the attention away from the deep insecurities they cannot face.
So the only way to end the vicious cycle is to work on us. When we break away from our fixation on them, the toxic trauma bond becomes broken. That’s what empowerment is. That’s what healing is.
Turning away from them and not getting caught in their manipulative trap is exactly what they DON’T want. The truth is: If you want to get revenge on a narcissist, then stop focusing on them and focus on YOU.
Let them go. Move on to the only true relationship you have, and that’s the one you have with yourself. Be your own best friend. Recognize that you’ll never change them.
Go through a process of healing, self-empowerment and self-discovery. Get a helping hand to build yourself back up again, because it’s hard to do it when you’re thoroughly exhausted.
It’s okay to ask for help, and know that you’re worth it; even though it doesn’t feel like it. And that’s the first step; being willing to love yourself enough to look in the mirror and tell yourself that you deserve better.
So shift your focus, take a deep breath and go within. Get your energy back, and get the right support. Over time it will all become crystal clear, and you’ll wonder why you wasted your time focusing on someone that doesn’t deserve your attention.
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