Many people in our society don’t fully understand what narcissism really is. They believe that it’s someone who’s simply egotistical and “full of themselves”.
In Greek mythology, Narcissus was attractive, and fell in love with their reflection in the water. It all seems so harmless. Or is it?
If someone has a “big ego”, they may have been raised to believe that they’re amazing. Their parents may have doted on them, and they grew up believing that everyone else should realize how special they are.
And actually self-love isn’t a bad thing — to an extent. It can be lacking in a culture where we’re all going too fast and doing too much, without taking the time to care for ourselves. In other words, we can be wearing too many hats with a huge amount of responsibility and not enough self-love.
Then there’s the low self worth that results from a relationship with a narcissist. And the narcissist themselves don’t actually love who they are; but are very insecure on the inside.
Rather than being coddled by their parents, they’ve most likely experienced some type of trauma that resulted in their deep insecurity. So their need to feel superior is just a fake exterior image of themselves that they’re projecting. And worst of all, they lack empathy. (In other words, they don’t really care about anyone.)
And Narcissistic Personality Disorder results in many negative characteristics that make having a relationship with the person nearly impossible. It’s not only unhealthy, but detrimental to your self-worth because of their insidious behavior.
Their need for admiration is excessive, so it’s difficult to keep pouring energy into meeting their needs. (The narcissist’s partner is often referred to as their “supply” as in energy supply.)
They seem to love you as long as you admire them, and go from idealizing you to devaluing you (putting you down to the point where it feels like they’re attacking your heart and soul). For awhile you feel as if you can do no wrong in their eyes, and then suddenly everything you’re doing seems to be wrong.
Even though you were once the greatest thing about their life, they’ll start blaming you for anything that doesn’t seem right. They’ll use “gaslighting” techniques to make you feel like you’re crazy, by using deception that creates massive confusion.
You’ll feel like you’re on an emotional roller coaster inside of a blender; never knowing when they’ll hit the milkshake button.
If you assert yourself, then they’ll need to put you in your place. They can turn mean, and it brings up fear and anxiety in you. They’re irresponsible and unreliable, and it feels incredibly unstable to you. (They don’t have a conscience when it comes to falling through on responsibilities.)
They expect you to care about their difficulties in life, but they’re insensitive to your problems. (They may pretend to be a caring person, but it’s only a way to receive admiration from others for their apparent kindness that isn’t authentic.)
They’ll take advantage of you any way they can: Mentally, emotionally, financially, etc. They’ll burn you out on all levels of your life, until you feel like a worn out dish rag. You can end up mentally and emotionally exhausted, and financially drained.
And when you do become worn out, they’ll be lining up someone else behind your back to take your place. (Most likely they’ve been hitting on many people in their attempt to keep a supply of potential partners on hand.)
Because being alone is uncomfortable for them. And there’s a push-pull experience in the way they seem to want you near, and they do things that make you question your sanity.
Let’s face it; this is not a healthy relationship and narcissistic abuse turns ugly in the long run. It will leave you feeling angry, fearful, anxious and with mass confusion as you ruminate about them; even though you know they’re bad for you.
But it isn’t the end of the world. Everything happens for a reason, and even immense pain can be healed and turned into a personal growth experience.
This is when you learn — the hard way, that it’s time to take stock in how you’re treating yourself, and who you allow into your life. It’s an eye opening experience, especially when your eyes have been closed to loving yourself.
So instead of beating yourself up inside, become curious. Ask yourself: “What have I learned from this experience?” “How can I take control of my life and make it better going forward?”
There will always be obstacles in your path in life. (Some are more painful than others.) So work on gaining your strength back, having a vision for what you want in your future and getting the support you need from someone who’s been there and will guide you to healing and self-love.
PS: Join me for my next interactive live event: Click here to learn more and save your spot. Also, you’re welcome to join me in the Empowered Sistars Facebook group.
