After a relationship with a narcissist, we’re coming off of an emotional roller-coaster, and we’re shocked by what we just experienced.
Then the self-loathing and blame begins (and it often starts during the relationship, when we’ve realized it’s not what we thought it was.) And since we made the decision to be with this person, we get angry at ourselves and feel depressed.
We wonder why we didn’t see it, and what we could have done to avoid it. But all of the remorse and regret only makes us feel worse, and continues to drag down our self-worth. So we need to turn the tide before it really drags us down even more.
And forgiving the narcissist seems to be next to impossible. We feel anxious, angry and bitter. We feel betrayed on a level so deep that we’re not sure that forgiveness is ever possible (especially when cheating occurred).
So as always, it’s time to go inward, and heal in the only way we can. It’s time to ease the ruminating about THEM, and take the focus within ourselves.
A simple tool to help shift this is called “Ho’oponopono”. (Pronounced ho-oh-poe-no-poe-no.) This is an ancient Hawaiian practice, and it’s been known to have a major impact on emotions in a positive way.
The meaning behind it is this: “ho’o” means “to make” and “pono” means “right”. We’re flipping the script in our mind, and letting ourselves off the hook. Here’s what it looks like:
There’s four statements:
- I’m Sorry
- Please Forgive Me
- I Love You
- Thank You
And yes, we CAN say these words to ourselves, even though it looks like we’re saying it to someone else. But forgiveness can go either way. (Some people put the statements in a different order, but the meaning remains the same.)
It helps to balance us out and bring harmony back to our mind, body and soul. (It should be repeated like a loving prayer.)
Also, it contains the words “thank you”, and the expression of gratitude is healing and puts us in a positive state. We let go of seeing the negative side of things, and look at our cup as being “half full”.
It ultimately acts as a simple tool in our self-esteem building toolbox. We begin to feel better and let ourselves off the hook. It helps to relieve feelings of fight or flight, which are common from a narcissistic relationship.
So find a sacred space where you can relax, which can be inside or outside. Or simply take a moment wherever you are (at the office, inside the car, out in nature or in your home.)
Take a deep breath, bring yourself into the present moment and repeat the words. Really get into the positive feeling of it, and release yourself from blame.
Allow it to sink in, and lift you up. This will shift your life and put you on the right path. But the first step is to actually take a power moment for yourself and do it. Begin to feed our mind, body and soul and start the healing process now.
PS: Are you ready to go deeper into healing so you can break the trauma bond, build your confidence and live a life that’s authentic to who you are? Schedule your Time to Thrive call with me and we’ll look at your struggles as well as the vision for your life, and the remedy to help you step into your power now.
