Do you need validation that you’re not crazy?
Do you wonder if you’re “normal” and not a narcissist?
Are you wishing you could save the new “supply” from having their life destroyed?
I understand…
At one point I spent months talking to a counselor, just to get validation over the way I felt about the narcissist and how damaging they are to other people; and that was three years after the divorce.
(If only I could have used my own holistic tools and intuition to work on myself, it would have been much faster; but that’s why outside help is important.)
I was STILL being triggered, and realized I needed to go back and revisit the leftover pieces of trauma that were still inside of me.
It goes to show how deep the wounds from a narcissist are, and why we need to go deep to heal.
The need for validation comes after the shock of fully realizing who they really are, and we’ve been told by the narcissist that we’re crazy through the gaslighting.
We realize they aren’t who we thought they were, and instead of being the awesome person we knew; it turns out they’re a threat to mankind.
Because of this, so often we desperately want to warn others, and tell them they’re vulnerable to the same type of abuse that we experienced.
As empaths, we want to save others from the pain that was inflicted on us; And it takes work to finally except that we can’t save the world from the narcissist.
It took awhile for me to realize that it wasn’t “my job” to keep everyone else safe from the narcissist’s wrath. And this is where self-love comes in: We finally need to let go and take care of us.
It’s part of the self-love lesson that the narcissist is showing us in this classroom called life.
Because the truth is we can’t warn the new supply, who likely won’t believe us. And if the narcissist gets wind of it, then we risk having them break through the “no contact” barrier that we may have carefully created.
They’ll be more disruption and coverups created by the narcissist, and in the end it won’t do any good anyway.
Those who prefer to see the “Dr. Jekyll” side of the narcissist, will think you’re insane because they refuse to admit there’s a “Mr. Hyde”.
Of course, the narcissist won’t show the Mr. Hyde side of themselves to those close to them who remain fooled.
These supporters can include the “flying monkeys” that the narcissist keeps tabs on. (Flying monkeys refers to the Wizard of Oz and the people who support the narcissist that will even report back to the narcissist what you’ve been up to.)
And yes, it’s ultra painful that people who we thought were friends are siding with the “enemy”.
This is why we have to be diligent about who we interact with, and know who our true friends are. (This particularly goes for social media where posts can been seen and shared with the narcissist.)
I experienced people who I thought were friends telling the narcissist what I was sharing on social media, only to have the narcissist threaten me to not even use the word “narcissist” in any way, shape or form.
People may think we’re being paranoid to want to hide and not be open with others, but it’s natural when you’re being “stalked” by the narcissist.
I encounter others who’ve been through narcissistic abuse, who make everything on their profile private; and even resort to using an alias for their name, hoping they won’t be seen, except by their close inner circle of supporters.
They’ve already been thoroughly traumatized, to the point where they’re practically “cowering in the corner”, and feel like they have to duck from abuse that might be hurled their way.
That PTSD continues to be felt, and there’s fear of more bombs being dropped by the narcissist that will make them cower. I get it.
It takes awhile to get our strength back, and heal from those bombs so we no longer feel triggered.
And again, going deep with the right tools helps us to get through it faster.
PS: To get support, schedule a Time to Thrive call with me and we’ll look at you’re struggles as well as your goals and the support options that are available. Also, sign up for my next interactive Live Event and you’ll also find me in the Empowered Sistars Facebook group.
