The narcissist loves to toy with us. For them, it’s a big game of keeping us down, and putting us in our place.
It’s an attempt to avoid the pain within themselves, and to artificially boost their ego; which never lasts in the long run.
And so the game never stops.
It’s torture for us because they keep us in a loop of batting away at our self worth and damaging it until we don’t know who we are anymore.
As it continues, we believe that the communication that we’re having with them is necessary.
That we have to do it to resolve a situation (getting a divorce, selling a house, talking about the kids or whatever we believe we need them for.)
However, they’ll continue to keep us in the situation that we’re trying to break out of for as long as they can and not let us go.
Through it all, we like to think that we’re making progress, but they’ve got us going in circles to keep the pattern going. Because the truth is, they don’t want the game to end.
For us, it’s a tight grip in their their dangerous claws that’s a death trap for our self-worth.
And we’re stuck with the sweet memory of the love-bombing, and they may still be throwing a “love-bone” our way as part of their manipulation tactics.
Because again, they don’t want it to end.
Are you getting angry yet thinking about this? You should be, because this is no way to be treated. (I sometimes say to clients: “If you were your own best friend, would you want this for her?”)
So we have to realize that they don’t think like a normal person, and they’re not willing to resolve things in a kind and thoughtful way; the way that we would handle a situation.
We want to believe that they’re just like us, and that’s the first problem.
The second problem is that we’re stuck in a trauma bond with them, and we struggle to reason with someone that can’t be reasoned with.
But it’s hard to face the reality of it all.
And yet, the solution for getting out of the game is to not play it anymore.
To abruptly end it, because the narcissist doesn’t understand “subtle”.
They need to get the message loud and clear; and when there’s no game to play anymore, they’ll search of another toy to play with.
And then we’re in the clear.
This is when true healing finally begins, and we can move on to peace in our life.
We can go through the process of re-discovering ourselves, and hopefully knowing that there was a lesson in all of it; while we release feelings of guilt, remorse and regret that will only keep us stuck.
Letting go of the bond isn’t easy, otherwise we wouldn’t need to talk about it.
But cutting off contact with the narcissist is probably be the biggest act of self-love in this toxic situation.
Finding a way to block the games by having someone else handle any communication that’s necessary (such as legal help) is a great way to do it.
And it’s so empowering.
I often here the words “I want to find my power”, and this is how to do it.
Putting our foot down and not taking any more of the abuse is an empowering thing to do.
So go do it. Take that step, and don’t look back.
You’ll love yourself more in the end.
PS: Ready to go deep to heal, become narcissist-proof and create joy, confidence and purpose in YOUR life? Schedule a free Time to Thrive call and we’ll look at the vision for your life and what’s keeping you stuck.
Also, join me for my free live, virtual event for insight, guidance and support. Save your spot here: Navigate Your Path to Empowerment: 3 Keys to Thrive After Narcissistic Relationships
