In a narcissistic relationship, the trauma bond is insidious. It’s definitely not our friend.
However, the trauma bond will convince us that we need it; that we’re not going to function without it.
And that my friend, couldn’t be further from the truth.
It deceives us into believing that the state we’re in is love; when it’s really not love at all, but mental and emotional abuse.
It’s a tool that’s created by the narcissist to keep us stuck, as they try to satisfy their insecurities from their past unhealed trauma.
But it will never satisfy them, and it certainly won’t help us. In fact, it continues to cause damage to our self-worth.
Getting away from the narcissist is a challenge, because we’ve been so manipulated. But it’s the only way to find ourselves again. (Unless they discard us first, which isn’t a bad thing at all.)
Being discarded feels traumatic at the time, but it’s the best thing a narcissist can do for us. (And if you’ve been discarded, don’t let the “hoovering” fool you as they try to keep you on the side in case they need you again.)
I have conversations with women who are still married to a narcissist, or are in a relationship with them. And they want to heal from the relationship or somehow fix it.
But that’s not possible, because the narcissist isn’t going to be fixed and we can’t heal while we’re still in it. It’s a no-win situation.
This is when we need to face reality.
Getting out and staying out is the only answer. Going no contact is the only way to heal and build ourselves up. (Again, don’t let the trauma bond allow you to think otherwise.)
It’s time to create space from the narcissist as much as possible.
Start gaining your strength and gather support for your exit strategy. Get a counselor who can help you navigate your way out of the situation.
Recognize the trauma bond for the evil entity that it is. See it as the enemy, because it could care less about you!
And when you’re out of the relationship, take care of YOU. Catch your breath.
Then start healing the past and figure out who YOU are, because you’re still there; you just got temporarily lost. The true you has been put on the back burner.
But with some effort and nourishing your mind, body and emotions you’ll get back on track.
And in every step of the journey, take the hand of someone who can help you move forward so you don’t stay stuck and spin your wheels.
It’s okay to ask for help, it’s what we’re here for; to assist each other in this wild ride called life.
PS: Are you out of a relationship with a narcissist and ready to heal the past, love yourself and find your power? Here’s three ways I can help:
- Schedule a free Time to Thrive Call with me. Click the link here and answer a few questions to get the ball rolling.
- Join is in the Empowered Sistars Facebook group.
- Sign up for my next live event: Navigate Your Path to Empowerment
