If you’ve been through a relationship with a narcissist, you know how harrowing it is. I’ve been married (and divorced) twice to narcissists.
And as a Mind-Body Wellness Practitioner and Intuitive Life Guide I’ve talked with many women who are on that journey.
Through my work (and my own experiences) I’ve identified four phases that we go through.
Phase One: Bonded to the Narcissist
In Phase One we’re still with the narcissist on some level. We may still be living with them, or we’re dating them, or we’re having some sort of relationship with them.
I’ve had women come to me for help in this phase, but the issue is that it’s impossible to ultimately heal when we’re still in the abuse. Because the minute we try to heal the trauma, the narcissist will open the wound again and “pour salt” into it.
And as soon as we start getting some traction on our self-esteem, the narcissist devalues us again and our efforts are lost as our self-worth gets pushed back down.
So as much as we hate to face the reality of a situation where we feel a deep connection with someone, the only way to save ourselves is to move on.
Phase Two: The Crazy Scramble
The “crazy scramble” is when we’ve either been discarded by the narcissist (usually they’ve moved on to someone else), or we gathered enough strength to get out of the relationship.
At this point we’re dealing with the fallout, such as: Selling a house, moving, dividing up property, closing businesses, working with a divorce lawyer, child custody issues, learning how to go “no contact” with the narcissist, not to mention the ongoing drama that the narcissist creates.
It’s very difficult to focus on our personal growth at this time because there’s so many moving parts; our attention is scattered, and we’re on an emotional roller coaster.
To help in this situation, I created the free Narcissist Recovery First Aid Kit which is located in the Guides section of the Empowered Sistars Facebook Group.
The Kit is a four-part video series that helps to stabilize our emotions, gain some much needed empathy and validate where we are in this crazy journey.
Phase Three: Nourish the Soul
After the “screwball scramble” is over, we’re pretty much worn out on every level: Mentally, emotionally and physically.
I remember just wanting to fall to the floor in a heap from exhaustion, and create some stability in my life so that I’d have something to finally lean on.
This is a great time to take up a hobby (knitting, crafting, painting, etc.). We can do some cooking or baking. We can also volunteer somewhere, like a horse rescue where we don’t have to think; we can brush a horse, breathe in some fresh air and just chill.
Because we need to gain some energy back and begin to feel like ourselves. We also need to learn to love ourselves, so it’s a good time to focus on self care: Take a relaxing bath, get a facial or message, get our nails done, etc.
Do something to relax, feed our soul and focus on US for a change.
Phase Four: Get on Track
Now we’re ready to really dive deep into self-discovery.
This is a great time to heal on a deeper level, because if we don’t work through old trauma, then we run the risk of attracting another narcissist into our life like we did in the beginning. (This is because the narcissist is great at putting a band aid over old wounds.)
This is also a time to go deep into understanding who we REALLY are, such as: What are our core values? Where do we see ourselves five years from now? What would make us feel like we’re really living an authentic life that’s powerful and on purpose?
Now we’re moving forward to freedom and self-love. How awesome is that?
At this time working with someone is imperative to go deep within for serious self-discovery. (Reading books and watching videos do not take us to the level we need to go to for lasting results.)
If you’re in this phase and you’re ready to supercharge your healing and quantum-leap your direction in life, then I invite you to schedule a Breaking Free Clarity Call.
On the call we’ll take a look at what your goals and challenges are, and get clarity around how to move forward with intuitive guidance in our conversation.
Know that I’m here for you, and whatever you do; I have great empathy for your experiences because I know how hard it can be.
Above all, take care of YOU.
PS: You’re invited to join me for the upcoming free masterclass Navigating the Healing Journey: The 3 Keys to Freedom and Self-Love after Narcissistic Relationships. Click here to learn more and save your spot.
