Anger is huge after the breakup with a narcissist.
It can also show up in the form of depression (or anger turned inward).
And we have every right to be angry after the stark realization of who the person really was.
It hits us hard, as we realize that we never really knew the person.
So we’re mad at them for being the dishonest and abusive person they are, and we’re mad at ourselves for being conned.
“How could I have missed that?” we say to ourselves.
And there can be a number of truth bombs that fall after the relationship.
We can talk to the ex wife or partner and find out the truth about what REALLY happened in their relationship with the narcissist (instead of the stories we were told that we swallowed: Hook, line and sinker.)
In fact, we can probably write a book about all of the lies.
We sort through the lies over and over in our head, making mental notes until it all adds up to a nuclear bomb of truth.
This massive truth bomb helps to break the trauma bond, as it provides a huge amount of evidence to validate not being in the relationship.
But the anger hits hard, and we need to vent it somewhere. We feel the need to tell others how horrible the whole situation is, as we point the finger at the narcissist and ourselves.
This is something to work through, and one way to do it is to have a friend that’s willing to listen. They don’t need to be an expert, but simply a sounding board. (Even if they just nod their head in agreement, it can offer a huge amount of comfort.)
I recall sitting at a coffee shop talking to a friend about my ex, and after a long period of time she looked at her watch and said “you’ve got 15 more minutes”.
I laugh now, but clearly she had heard enough. But I was grateful for the time that she did give me.
And if you’re lucky, you may have a friend who’s actually been through narcissistic abuse and they can validate how you feel by sharing their own personal experience. (Which helps us to feel more sane in an insane situation.)
Also, having group support is great too; it helps us know we’re not alone.
If we’re finding ourselves in a situation where we don’t feel there’s anyone to talk to that we feel comfortable with, then a counselor can lend an ear and validate our experience as well.
All of this venting and validation helps us on our healing journey.
Of course, my recommendation is having a holistic approach to heal on a deep level after we’ve vented. We can get it out of our system, and then go within and heal the layers of trauma.
We also need to learn to love ourselves and build our self-esteem which is basically non-existent after being the energy supply for a narcissist.
Then the trauma bond is completely released, and we can plan our new life that’s aligned with our heart and soul.
PS: Ready to heal, love yourself and get your life on track after a narcissist? You can join the Facebook group here.
