Say it loud and clear: “The narcissist you miss, doesn’t exist”.
The person you’re ruminating about, the one that you fell deeply in love with, the person you ache to be with:
Never existed in the first place; they’re a non-entity. A fake person.
They were only in your dreams.
The narcissist made it up to win you over, and to build their ego by believing that you were perfect, which in their mind makes them awesome.
The cold hard truth is that it’s time to let go of something that doesn’t really exist, and that’s sad. (We can enjoy the memories, without believing the person was real.)
So allow yourself to feel sad and angry, and accept that the person was fake.
If we don’t accept it, then we open ourselves to being sucked back into the relationship or stay stuck in the trauma bond.
But once we accept it, then we can focus on healing through the grieving process.
To help you begin the healing process, let’s sort through the feelings that we go through with grief:
- Shock/Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
And here’s more truth:
We haven’t healed all of our grief from our past that we had before the narcissist.
Because we haven’t worked through the final two stages from before we even knew them. In other words, there was grief from our past that we didn’t finish healing.
Trigger alert: We chose the narcissist to cover the pain from our own past.
We miss the narcissist to avoid feeling the pain from being with them. That pain is a feeling that was there before we knew them because of past unhealed grief.
The end result is: We now have layers of healing work to do.
And by not working through it before, we left ourselves vulnerable to the love-bombing and idealization that drew us to the narcissist in the first place.
And when we take responsibility for ourselves and stop looking to the narcissist, we can begin the real work that needs to be done.
In the end, both ourselves AND the narcissist have healing work work to do, and unfortunately for the narcissist it will probably never happen because they don’t want to look at themselves.
But we can be the change we wish to see in the world, and ultimately put a stop to future narcissistic abuse by working on ourselves.
PS: If you’re ready to finally go deep and heal, book a complimentary Call with me to look at your goals, your struggles and get clear on your next steps. You’re also invited to join the Facebook group.
