Love-bombing runs deep into the recesses of our soul.
It’s embedded at a level we never thought possible. And so, we end up with a deep emotional attachment to the narcissist, who convinced us on every level of our being that they are our one true love.
That no one else could make us feel that way again; and that’s probably true.
But the real truth is, that feeling isn’t real. It’s a temporary obsession, an over-the-top infatuation that was never meant to last.
“Cathecting” is the normal stage at the beginning of a relationship. It’s a magical time of dating and “falling” in love. There’s times of flirtation and excitement.
And that normal dating phase doesn’t begin to compare to how the narcissist digs their claws in deep. Which leaves us with a euphoria that’s almost an addiction; something that’s hard to live without.
In a normal relationship; real love takes over, and we make the decision to truly care about the other person and make a commitment. But in the case of a narcissist, the decision is made to devalue us and tear us down.
It goes from one extreme to another, like an insane roller coaster ride.
This leaves us craving the earlier idealization phase, and we’re blown away; trying to figure out what just happened. And it’s hard to admit to friends and family that apparently we made a mistake, because it makes us look stupid.
And maybe; just maybe, it’s all a fluke and the narcissist will love us again like they once did. (But really, it takes so much of their energy to pour out so much fake love, there’s only so long they can keep it up.)
So we continue down the road, hoping or praying that the person we fell deeply in love with returns.
And occasionally, they throw some charm our way, just to keep us in the loop. The loop of deception.
And after the relationship is over (whether they dumped us for someone else through their debilitating and soul-sucking discard tactics, or we had the foresight to get out of it after seeing the writing on the wall), there’s danger lurking.
That danger is the risk of being sucked back in. It’s called “hoovering”.
After all, the narcissist likes to keep their options open, even if they really don’t give a darn about us. And that’s just it.
We can still have those rose colored glasses on hand that are ever so hard to take off. It’s like admitting we had poor judgment.
And we’d like to believe we’re wrong about that. (And because we’re a decent, caring person.)
We also have a self-esteem that’s now at ground zero after all of the devaluing, which makes us extra vulnerable.
So the narcissist throws a little love-bombing our way, which seems like old times; and those amazing feelings come back again. Unfortunately, it’s just another manipulation tactic.
And when we fall for it again only to get our self-worth kicked another time, we simply stay stuck in the trauma bond.
And that’s the tragedy. So how do we avoid it?
Knowledge is power, and it helps empower us to know the truth of how the narcissist operates.
So don’t let yourself get fooled again. It’s hard to not get sucked back in, and it can take every last drop of our remaining energy to do it.
But we must stay strong. This is why avoiding contact at all costs is the only way.
It keeps us safe from the hoovering maneuver that’s just another ploy by the narcissist to fill the deep void in their soul, which is so hollow that it’s not possible anyway.
Stay strong, and stay away. You can do it.
PS: Looking for support and healing after a relationship with a narcissist? You’re invited to join us in the Facebook group.
