Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Trauma Bond Healing

Narcissistic Abuse Terminology

Are you familiar with the terminology of narcissistic abuse?

When we’ve either walked away or have been discarded by them, the signs become clear.

Also, knowledge empowers us, and validates that we’re not crazy.

Here’s what you need to know:

Covert: They appear “normal” to others, who find it difficult to believe the narcissist is who they really are because they wear a mask over their true personality.

Dark Triad: This is a combination of Narcissism, Machiavellianism and Psychopathy. These people will say or do anything to get their way, even through criminal behavior with no remorse. It’s very dark indeed.

Devalue: After the idealization phase of the relationship, the narcissist realizes that we’re not perfect after all and they see us as having no value. Then they begin to mock and humiliates us. They can find fault with everything we do or say. The belittling is an attempt to make themselves feel better by lowering our self-esteem.

Discard: This is when the narcissist tosses us aside, without empathy or closure. This happens when we’ve become drained and are no longer feeding their ego. Usually they’ve lined up someone else to avoid being alone.

Flying Monkeys: These are people who believe the narcissist and take their side. They’ll carry out the work of the narcissist by spying on the other person and reporting back to the narcissist, or other behavior that’s damaging to the other person. (This term comes from the Wizard of Oz and the flying monkeys that supported the wicked witch.)

“Gotcha” Game: This is when the narcissist tears you down with insults to the point where you can’t help but get angry. Then they turn the table and point out that you have an anger problem. “Gotcha!” It’s infuriating, and it’s their manipulative way to create a problem with you. It can be used when they’re looking for an excuse to leave you for their next supply. In their mind, it’s a great discard tactic.

Harem: Narcissists don’t like being alone. They like to have a “harem” of admirers, so they can find someone to fall back on. Or, they can have more than one relationship at a time. After all, they lack a conscience and don’t believe they should have to follow the rules of fidelity.

Hoovering: This is when they suck you back into the relationship, in spite of whatever is going on; including being in a relationship with someone else.

Idealize: In this first stage of a relationship with a narcissist, they make us feel euphoric. They put us on a pedestal, and it seems overpowering; as though we can do no wrong. It’s hard to avoid, as it artificially builds our self-worth, particularly if our self-worth isn’t great to begin with. The result is feeling that we’ve found our true love, which actually isn’t “true” at all.

Love Bombing: This is used in the beginning of the relationship when the narcissist showers their victim with words of love and admiration, gifts, poetry, or other excessive tactics to win them over.

Mirroring: This is another manipulation technique as they mimic another person’s body language, gestures and speech patterns to make others empathize with them.

No Contact: After a relationship with a narcissist is over, it’s recommended going “no contact”, which means having no contact with them to avoid being pulled back in through manipulation.

Red Flags: There are times in a relationship with a narcissist that alerts us to something not being “right”. There are warning signs (such as the narcissist flirting with others), that we can downplay because of all of the love bombing that has manipulated our perception of their love for us (which doesn’t really exist). But when it’s over, the red flags stick out like a sore thumb.

Smear Campaign: The narcissist will go about convincing others that we’re the one with the problem, by lying about us. They do this to make themselves look good. This behavior really pours salt into the gaping wound of the narcissist’s victim.

Stonewalling: This is when the narcissist uses the “cold shoulder” treatment by refusing to communicate with us. The behavior can appear very childish, as part of a temper tantrum.

Supply: Narcissists are in constant need of attention or admiration. Supply can come in the form of love, sex, money, praise, a home, etc., and they have no problem draining us of these things. (And when the supply is running out, it’s time to move on to their next “supply”.)

Trauma Bond: This is probably the most insidious part of narcissistic abuse. The victim actually feels attached to the narcissist after emotional trauma; followed by positive reinforcement. This is where we really lose ourselves from the manipulation.

Vampire: Narcissists take draining people to a whole new level. Their manipulative “energy sucking” techniques will leave their victim feeling exhausted on every level of their being.

And you might be wondering: How did the narcissist get this way? Most likely from trauma in their own childhood. Unfortunately, narcissists rarely seek help, as they don’t believe they need it.

Which is why it’s not about them.

It’s about us becoming self-empowered, letting go of blame (and the narcissist), and creating a great life. (Which is the best revenge, isn’t it?)

PS: Are you wanting to heal and get clarity and support to get your life on track after a narcissist? Join the Facebook group, or book your complimentary Clarity Call.

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