Healing A Trauma Bond Healing After A Narcissist

Five Lessons From A Relationship With A Narcissist

Wait a minute… what lessons?

The relationship with a narcissist is a harrowing experience. It’s like a roller coaster ride inside of a blender. It leaves us shaken AND stirred.

The ups and downs are extreme; from being idealized to the point of thinking this is the greatest human being and the best relationship ever… to being at rock bottom and completely drained on every level.

We feel like we’ve been taken for a major ride (to hell and back).

It can leave us feeling tremendously bitter as we sort through the wreckage of what we thought was a relationship that was meant to be. Meanwhile, the narcissist continues on flaunting their relationship with the next “victim” as if nothing ever happened.

But there’s relief in sight…

Here’s the truth: Life is a learning experience, and as much as we hate to admit it; this is really another one in the line up. Here’s a thought:

What did you learn when things were easy?

And there’s a million other quotes to back it up, such as: Scar tissue is stronger than normal tissue.

It may not seem to help at this moment, but read on…

You WILL get there, my friend. This is a time for healing, and then understanding and growing on a soul level.

Ok, so what did we learn? Let’s break it down to the basics.

  1. We can now spot a narcissist, and avoid that pitfall. Many of us had friends or family that were wise from past experience, and could recognize the narcissist from the get go. (It was just hard for us to see through the rose colored glasses, but no more.) Now, we know.
  2. We can now begin to love ourselves, so that we don’t have a void that can be filled by a narcissist through love-bombing and other forms of idealization. This is a time for compassion for ourselves.
  3. We become stronger. As the saying goes: “No pain, no gain”. And now that we’ve been there — done that, we DO grow stronger and more resilient.
  4. We learn what we really want in a relationship. The whirlwind of a relationship with a narcissist isn’t ideal, but rather learning about each other and building trust and true love that stands the test of time is what’s really valuable.
  5. We discover who we really are. The narcissist can take us down roads to discovering aspects of ourselves that we didn’t know existed. And when it’s all over, we can begin to recognize more of our great talents and qualities.

When it’s over, we can feel like a “hot mess”, but here’s the truth, my dear wise one: You’ve been there, done that. It wasn’t all for nothing.

Although the trauma of it all stays somewhere in our memory, it lessens with time. It can “pop up to the surface” every now and then, and then we need to take a look at the five points above and do some more heart-healing.

Go from disempowered, to taking back your power.

Believe me when I say that we’re better off: Stronger, wiser and no longer naive as we once were.

After all, there’s only one way to go, and that’s UP.

PS: If you’re ready to heal and get the clarity you need to get your life on track, schedule your complimentary Clarity Call with Kathleen to discover what your next steps are.

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