Coming out of a relationship with a narcissist is a harrowing experience. It can send you down rabbit holes you never knew existed.

Feelings of being utterly lost, of being in a fog and having no sense of identity, as your identity has been dominated by someone who is much more self-important than you are.

Take heed; there is great hope for you. It’s time to take back the power that is your divine right.

I’ve been there, and as an empath I was totally sucked in. As an emotional healer who’s helped other people, I had to begin to heal myself and get help from other healers.

The Struggle

You’ve been dealing with a cunning master manipulator, whose thinking is mind-blowing to a person who believes in honesty and integrity. The gaslighting and “gotcha games” that takes you to places of confusion, anger and downright feelings of losing yourself and your sanity, only to be made to feel that you’re responsible for the whole nightmare.

The most bizarre aspect is that this ugly situation has morphed from what seemed like an idyllic relationship. The individual most likely charmed the pants off of you, and had you thinking they were both your soulmate, as well as Gods gift to the world. You felt blessed.

And then the tide turned, and this person that you put on a pedestal, and who treated you like a queen (or king), is now tearing you down.

Wait, what just happened?? What did I miss?

I’ll tell you what happened; the ego of a narcissist is insatiable, and now that they have you, it’s time to put you in your place.

During their upbringing, something was lacking in the emotionally nurturing department. Or, they may have been bullied. And the result are childish demands and temper tantrums that one normally sees from a spoiled five year old in a department store that didn’t get the toy they wanted.

You may have even wanted to verbally or physically spank this adult child, but alas, no reprimanding will turn the tide of this die-hard self-centered individual.

It’s Not Your Fault

Narcissists have a tendency to prey on intelligent women (or men) as it’s good for the ego. And as the narcissist is usually an astute intellect, it seems like a match made in heaven.

Those of us who are caring, end up being caretakers and can be totally taken advantage of. Friends of this individual can also get sucked into being used.

The person is so charming, that it’s hard not to want to help them. That’s what good people do, right?

But when you take a closer look, you’ll see they have their arsenal of supporters that they use (and sometimes abuse) to their advantage.

Unfortunately, we give till it hurts. But then it’s time to stop the madness.

It’s Time To Heal

So, how do you move on? How do you put the pieces of your life back together?

Let’s not get overwhelmed.

Baby steps…

I’m going to give you a three step process to begin the emotional healing.

After all, feeling better now is what you need. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

1. Get It Out Of Your System

It’s time to purge… Take a pad of paper and write down all of the horrible, angry, nasty stuff that went on. The gaslighting, temper tantrums, manipulation, etc.

Get it all down on paper. This is a reminder to you of everything that you’ve survived. Take a good look at it and feel proud that you’re a survivor.

What we focus on expands. So, we don’t want to hang onto this negativity. It’s time to burn it, shred it or tear it up. Toss it, and let it go.

Lets begin to create a life that’s worthy of you.

2. Love Yourself

The love-bucket of your life has been drained. What seemed like love was a trauma bond, and now we need to fill the empty hole.

I want you to look at yourself in the mirror and say “I AM ENOUGH. I LOVE YOU (YOUR NAME)”. Do this repeatedly. At least three times a day (morning, noon and before bed).

You’ve gotta love yourself before anyone else can, and you don’t want to start another relationship as an empty shell of a person.

3. Bask In Gratitude

Now that you’ve gotten the negativity out of your system and you’re starting to love yourself again, it’s time to shift to positive thinking. We do this because staying in the old negative thought process of worry and fear will keep you stuck.

Got a journal? If not, then get one. Something that’s nice to look at. (They come in various sizes, and with lovely covers that can have positive words that make you want to grab it and write something nice.)

Once you’ve got your journal, go ahead and begin writing about things you’re grateful for. No matter how much life seems to suck at the moment, our perception is always worse after we’ve been through a traumatic experience.

Write down: I’m so happy and grateful for____________. (Fill in the blank.)

It might be that you’re grateful for your cat, dog or goldfish. (And don’t forget to bask in their unconditional love as well.)

You might be grateful for your career, the home you live in, the blue sky, the chocolate you’re enjoying…. I don’t care what it is.

Really harness the emotion of it. It’s our emotions that guide us in the direction of our best interest, so make it positive.

Fully FEEL the goodness of your life. It’s still there, you just lost sight of it. Tell your friends how much you appreciate their support, as hopefully someone has been there for you at this time.

In Conclusion

You can and you will feel better again, and in your power.

Let go, fill yourself with love, and be grateful for what you do have.

When these things shift, you’ll eventually attract the person that’s right for you. That healthy relationship that you deserve.

P.S. Looking to heal, get unstuck and on track to creating a life that’s Authentic to who YOU are? Click Here to schedule your complimentary Clarity Call with Kathleen to get abundantly clear on your next steps.